DOMESTIC VIOLENCE - BREAK THE SILENCE!

ER24 and People Opposing Women Abuse (POWA) are urging people to break their silence against domestic violence.

ER24 trauma counsellor, Tracey-Ann Melville, said far too many women are trapped in abusive relationships. “Women who find themselves in these types of relationships must find the courage within and take steps to break away. Understand that the abuse is not your fault and only you can gain the control back in your life,” she said.

Jeanette Sera, the counselling services manager at POWA, urged people who know a victim of domestic violence to listen, not judge, to be patient and give support and information. “Be aware that the victim might be going through the cycle of abuse and on ‘honeymoon stage’ where the perpetrator is apologising and perhaps using gifts or promises to change,” she said.

Explaining domestic violence, Sera said, “Abuse can happen to any woman. It does not choose colour, age or social status. Women experience domestic violence in the form of physical, emotional, economic or sexual abuse. Domestic violence can be described as violent or aggressive behaviour within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. What is of importance is what one does when they realise they are being abused. Break the silence. Report your abuser. If the abuse is not reported, it will continue and affect you and those around you. Abuse can have dire consequences such as death.”

According to Sera, some of the common factors leading to domestic violence against women include:

· One partner feeling the need to control and dominate the other.

· Low self-esteem, extreme jealousy, difficulties in regulating anger and other strong emotions, feeling inferior to the other partner in education and socio-economic background leading to the need to control them.

· Some men with very traditional beliefs thinking they have the right to control women and that women are not equal to men.

· Alcohol and other chemical substances that may contribute to violent behaviour.

Some women might believe their partners have the right to subject them to abuse and therefore tolerate it. This could be due to a number of reasons including a lack of information. Sera said POWA has however, also dealt with cases where women who are educated and hold powerful jobs find themselves in abusive relationships. They find it difficult to break the cycle. “Sometimes it has to do with stigma and shame, fear of the unknown and being alone or pressure from family to keep the relationship and hope that things will change,” she said.

The result of domestic violence or abuse can be long-lasting. People who are abused by a spouse or intimate partner may develop:

· Sleeping problems.
· Depression.
· Anxiety attacks.
· Low self-esteem.
· Lack of trust in others.
· Feelings of abandonment.
· Anger.
· Sensitivity to rejection.
· Diminished mental and physical health.
· Inability to work.
· Poor relationships with their children and other loved ones.
· Substance abuse as a way of coping.

Emotional impact
Melville said the emotional impact on victims of abuse is substantial. “Emotionally and psychologically the healing within takes time and effort as women lose their sense of worth, their confidence and trust in people. Domestic violence does not only affect those of the abuse, but has an effect on family, friends, co-workers and especially the children who grow up in the environment and have witnessed the domestic abuse.

“The exposure to this behaviour not only predisposes children to social and psychological problems but also makes them believe that it is a normal way of life which ultimately could lead them to becoming society’s next generation of victims and abusers,” she said. 

Melville added that there are various resources for victims. “Reach out and build your support structure whether it is through trusted family or friends or organisations that specialise in dealing with abuse and domestic violence. Trust your spirit and strength and make the change,” said Melville.
ER24 receives calls from domestic violence victims. They are given telephonic advice and guidance in terms of getting in contact with the police to ensure their safety. They are also referred to organisations such as POWA or to psychologists for long-term therapy.

ER24 also provides support to family members where there has been injury or death.
POWA offers victims of domestic violence face-to-face and telephone counselling, legal advice, court preparation as well as support and shelter. Women have a choice to either first open a case or contact POWA.

Sera said victims can also seek help by:
· Asking family or friends for support.
· Seeking counselling.
· Calling a family meeting.
· Asking a religious leader for help.
· Deciding on a safety plan.
· Making plans to leave. Moving out of the house temporarily.
· Going to a shelter for abused women and their children.
· Getting a divorce, laying a charge and getting a protection order.
To get assistance from POWA call the head office on 011 642-4345/6. For after hour calls phone 083 765 1235.
ER24’s Emergency Contact Centre can be reached 24 hours a day on 084 124 for any medical emergency.